Proofing God Exist: God is a Shitty Programmer

god-programmerI know that the Proofing God Exist series are started by Lucy but I think I would like to give my 2 cents about this topic. Now, this topic occurs when I was having a water cooler talk with my colleagues during our 5 minute break of our daily routine as a programmer. A colleague ask me about how do you define God in terms of Information Technology. Now, mind you, even for me that kind of topic doesn’t really suit a water cooler talk in the office and I’m also very discrete around this kind of topic. But, this topic is not started by me and I just giving my answer based on my opinion.

Alright, so my answer is if God is a progammer, then he is a shitty programmer. Consider this, God made three applications: Heaven, Universe, and Hell. Now, the Universe app is free to download. It has a 100 years or less limited version. Not only that, since this app is free, it is riddled with bugs and crashes. Maybe in one of two users of this application will experience lag in his heart, crashes such as volcano eruption or earthquakes, and so on. Now, you can report about this bug or crash to God but it’s up to him to fix it. Most of the time, God just ignores this report and treat it as natural phenomenon. Now, does God know what he’s doing? Well, most of the time since he’s is the progammer but he might also be surprised on the outcome of the application he programmed.

Anyway, there is a twist of this application. If this application has expired the limit usage, you can get the Heaven application which is the full version of the Universe application. It has no limit time usage, free from bugs and crashes, and it enhances you as a user. To get the application, you have to write a good review about the Universe application. You have to praise God everyday with good review and brag how God is a brilliant programmer. Even, God has his loyal fans that always pursuade people to use this application and if people don’t use this application, that loyal fans will loath you and condemn you to death. If you write good reviews to God, then congratulation you will earn the Heaven application and enjoy your life in eternity.

If you choose otherwise, then your Universe application will be upgraded to Hell application, where this application will troll and torture you to death and just restart to do the same thing for all eternity. Now, what does that God make? In my opinion, that makes God a very evil and shitty programmer. If you haven’t catch my drift, God makes a shitty application riddled with crashes and bugs but still demand the user to write good review for him in exchange for a full version of the application. Not only that, God threats the users if they write bad review to God he will make the application into Hell application which will not bring a pleasant experience for the user. It’s kind of funny when you strip God and look into God objectively, he is nothing more than a Narcissist, Obssessed, and Evil person.



16 responses to “Proofing God Exist: God is a Shitty Programmer

  1. It’s a unique approach to make a God as a programmer. I think you lay out God’s personification very nicely. A good post was made and nice job for making such a brilliant post.

  2. I think you’re assumptions in the beginning are wrong. We’re part of the universe program and the heaven and hell program links to everything else. I don’t think there is an end user.

    • If you are part of the program, then it renders human not to be special. Since every holy book treats human as a special kind, I think it is fitting to classify them as users of the Universe.

  3. That is assuming there even is a heaven and hell program to begin with. What if…

    God creates a “universe program”, but there is another programer who is jealous of God’s fame. So the evil programer hack’s into God’s program. He deliberately creates bugs, crashes, and other mischief. Then the hacker spreads rumors on the chat boards that God is hiding a perfect “heaven” program only for his followers, and that all those who God dislikes get’s tortured in a non-exsitant “hell-program”, that is actually a failed program created by the hacker himself!

    I think that would be more accurate. Jealousy, revenge, and shifting the blame seems more realistic than God punishing people just because…

    • No, the existence of hackers means that there is a force that can outsmart God in intervening the program which is very unlikely. If a hacker can figure out how the Universe itself, then by definition that hacker has the same knowsledge as God. If you said there is a hacker, then what is the motivation of him telling others there is an application called heaven which will render the possibility for others to gain the application and leave the buggy application behind which would render the hacking into Universe program rather useless.

      • 1) He’s not “outsmarting” God if God is only letting him make enough rope to hang himself with. If someone was spreading lies about you, wouldn’t you want to build a court case against this slanderer? (so to speak)

        2) The Bible (I assume you are using that version of the story of creation) states that God told his angels to make the universe to his specifications (i.e. he delegated the job to his programming “lackeys”). If the hacker was a part of God “programming team” then he would at least have the knowledge of which bugs in the program he can manipulate. That could allow him some leeway (at least from our prospective) to make the program appear more flawed than it is.

        3) If you read the Bible you’d notice, that it doesn’t ever directly say that we will go to heaven or that we’d be tormented for our sins. It does mentions what happens after death, though. Psalm 146:4 states that when a man dies: “His spirit goes out, he goes back to his ground; in that day his thoughts do perish.” This is also collaborated at Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10, where we read: “The dead know nothing . . . In the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.”

        That doesn’t sound like fiery torment to me…

        There’s no way to know exactly why the “hacker” would lie about this, but one theory is that it would damage God’s reputation. If people think there is some sort of heaven and only THEY can’t go, they would get angry or think that god is unfair, as you pointed out in this article. What good revenge story doesn’t contain some defamation of character?

        Don’t mean to “Steal your thunder” or anything, but I can’t pass up a good debate….

      • 1.Then God as I have mention is a shitty programmer to let his program vulnerable to hacking. And the chronology is a little bit confusing if we use your logic. Consider this, the hacker spread the rumor after the Universe program has been launched which means the security hole of the program is already there the whole time. Why does God do this? To build a court case while thousand or million of users have to die because of these bugs or crashes? Sounds like a shitty programmer to me.

        2. Then that makes God a bad Application designer. Unless you are saying that the flaws were made by his programming team or the hacker intentionally made the flaws which makes the hacker have more knowledge about the program then God’s do since clearly he is adding more codes than the specification have been stated. And correct me if I’m wrong, why does God need a progamming team if by definition God is so powerful he can create or code anything?

        3. Then what happen to the spirit if I may ask? Directly or not, there will be some ramification for the bad reviews you have written.

        I don’t know what kind of bible you are reading, but I find it confusing for God to hide the Heaven and Hell application. I thought at the first time, one of the humans has already beta test the heaven application. That man called Adam, right? So why is this Heaven application still hidden until the hacker spread the rumours about the existence of heaven? And the statement that says only a certain people can have the Heaven application was made by God isn’t it? He stated that in his biography if I’m not mistaken. So the knowledge about the heaven application and how to obtain it is already a given to my opinion.

      • I actually havent heard of that one. Judging from the name, am I to assume that that compiler is for C and (the worst programming class I had to take) C++?

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